Monday, November 20, 2006

The right way

There's such a thing as cancer etiquette for parents. It's unwritten. And no-one explains it to you. But you do pick it up.

I was reminded of this whilst speaking to a noob parent yesterday.

DON'T say "will the child be alright?" There's rarely a clear answer. And the honest answer is probably not.
DO say "how is the child doing?" This keeps everything in the here and now, which is where we live day-by-day.

DON'T say "how is radiotherapy / chemo / surgery?" It's so variable for each child.
DO say "how did your child find radiotherapy / chemo / surgery?"

DON'T say "what have been your experiences since diagnosis?" It's too upsetting to go through the whole tragic story. Only doctors can get away with it.
DO say "when did you find out the child was ill?" This allows the parent to say as little or as much as they feel able.

DON'T say "was X treatment successful?" There probably isn't a clear answer to this one either.

DO say "are they (the doctors) pleased with how it's going?"

DON'T say "I'm sure it will all be ok" it probably won't be.
DO say "I hope everything goes well" it's the best we can do - hope.

3 Comments:

Blogger ~Shelia said...

As one of Thomas Bickle's aunts, I am sure I have said the wrong thing on more than one occasion. (I not generally known for my tact. More for putting my foot in my mouth.) I am very glad that you have taken the time to share your experiences so that those of us on the perimeter can learn and be more considerate in expressing our concern.

Know that I read about your son, think of him, understand your family's difficult journey, and keep you in prayers that miracles will happen. I wish you all well, big and little panda included.

9:23 PM  
Blogger Ctelblog said...

Thank you for your comments. Wasn't really aimed at those other than the parents of the children involved. But if it helps - great.

4:48 AM  
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