Bat out of hell

The boy needed oxygen last night, after several days when he was looking stronger. That and chemo due to start again this week provides a cue for a late night angst session.

The boy has had some good days and slept reasonably well for the last few nights. We were therefore surprised and worried when he needed oxygen when he went to sleep last night. A reasonable amount of oxygen at first.

A late night discussion about the reasons turned into a discussion on how his secretions are not completely under control. This turned into a discussion of whether to delay the start of chemo, due at the end of this week. This turned into his chances of getting through three months of chemo without being hospitalised. This turned into the timing of the next scan if he was ill. This turned into what we would do if the scan was not clear. This turned into whether we should ask about his chances of surviving until he was ten years old. This turned into his chances of surviving at all and how we would cope as parents. Which turned us into miserable parents who didn't sleep much.

No matter how much you try to take each day as it comes, sometimes you can't stop yourself thinking ahead.