Chemicrazy

Whilst the boy started back on chemo yesterday, today was my first time to administer it. Oddly depressing experience.

Felt rather flat this morning. Ended a conversation with a friend rather abruptly. Not in a mood to engage.

Realised somewhat belatedly that it was chemo restarting. There's nothing like the ritual of putting on gloves, putting a needle on the syringe, watching the oily liquid swirl about in an evil manner as you draw it up. Don't forget to add water to the chemo phial to make sure he gets all of it. Give a big flush to avoid damage to the G tube. Throw it all away in the cytotoxic box without getting any on your skin. The irony of having to avoid getting it on my skin while he ingests it is never lost on me.

Found myself ruffling his hair more than usual. All too conscious that it will soon disappear. He's still recovering from the operation and only just starting to get back to his more normal cheerful self. So to make him ill again seems unfair. We may have been here before but that only helps to a limited extent.